Open letter to Yaj.

Dear Yaj,

your comments on my blog here and here, where you have accused me of many things I never intended to write, made me think a lot about what I’ve written here and how it is perceived, but also – about how in general Indians and foreigners living in India perceive each other, as this is not the first time I meet similar bilateral misunderstanding.

I am not sure, if my assumptions are correct, nor I’m not entirely convinced if I can speak my mind precisely enough in English (which is as you know not my native language), as the matter is delicate. I will try though.

Please read the entire post before commenting.

First of all, I think I need to explain a bit about myself and the this blog.

I come from Poland, as you realized. Before coming to India, I’ve spent half a year in Marseille, one on the most multicultural cities in Europe, with vast north-African and Arabic population. I have been living in India for nearly two years now, both in Gurgaon and Bangalore. I travelled across a big part of the country, visiting both biggest towns, major tourist or religious destinations, as small villages. I have equally many foreign friends as desis. I come from cultural studies background, which teaches mostly tolerance for diversity. My work was understanding consumer behaviours. For all of these reasons, I have tried my best to understand Indian culture and not to judge it. Yet – I admit – I failed.

Yes – although I’m trying hard – I cannot avoid making mistakes and misjudgments. I make inappropriate jokes (although this is relevant not only to jokes about India, as my sense of humor is pretty sarcastic and black and I often land myself into troubles because of that even among my friends in home country). Sometimes, rude comments about Indian work culture or lifestyle slip out of my mouth, simply because I am often tired of constantly trying to manoeuvre in an environment so different from the one I was raised in.

But you, dear Yaj, are not innocent either.

I observed, being in India, two extreme attitudes when it comes to Indian-foreigner relations. One comes from tourists or expats from the richest countries, with little on no previous exposure to other culture and used to living in a bubble of relative luxury. They tend to judge quickly and harshly and don’t even try to understand the background. Shop vendor trying to get more from them than from his regular desi customer is a cheater, Indian working culture based on relationship is slow and stupid, and driver who is lost in Delhi is just an idiot. They leave the country disgusted or stay – living in their hermetic bubbles, wondering “how the hell this country is booming so much despite this whole mess?”. I have been angry many times with my foreign friends, when they were bargaining too hard ending up offending the vendor because of 20Rs difference on price. Or when they started to seem to believe, that they are somehow superior and allow to do more, just because of their skin tone. And I tried my best to understand the different dynamics of daily life in India and not just frustrating my self or getting angry because of it.

Unfortunately – I can’t deny this is a fairly often case and that many foreigners visiting India don’t try to go beyond what their eye can see.

But there is also another extreme – partly a natural defense to what I’ve described above, partly – a resentment based on memory of colonial times – sometimes Indians judge foreigners equally sharp and quickly, not paying attention, that we also come from different countries, different backgrounds and different cultures. And not trying to understand the deeper reasoning beyond “firangis” observable behaviours. This is the case I mentioned in some of the earlier posts – that some Indians think, that sex is the ultimately only value we follow in our lives. Or the case of shop keepers or rickshaw wallah raising price twice just because of skin tone. And the case of you – accusing us of cruel intentions based on shallow insight.

Very often – not only on this blog – I came across accusation of hating India. I certainly don’t. I love many aspects of it and I had wonderful times here and met some incredible people. And this blog – intended to be a bit funny – is definitely not an expression of my hate for the country.

Two blog posts you have commented and that have infuriated you the most, were actually intended to show … “our=expats” stupid behaviours. “Expat wannabees” was about a particular class of foreigners in India, who are enjoying their stay here because of undeserved perks coming because of the image that “white is beautiful” (don’t deny that this isn’t a fact for many – NOT ALL! – Indians. Popularity of whitening creams and dozens of random messages sent on Facebook to my white woman friends after every party from guys they never spoke to, prove it strongly) and “white is loaded” (an outcome of the vast pockets depth of western tourists and people on expat contracts, which unfortunately doesn’t hold truth for interns, students, NGO workers or foreigners working for Indian companies on Indian compensation).

Two posts about dildo, were showcasing a particularly ridiculous culture clash example. I never wrote that the fact that sex in India is a taboo is something wrong (although I’m sorry for the joke about Kamasutra – this was maybe a bit unfortunate), it’s just the way it is – and even you have agreed on it. Who I was really making fun of here, was the guy who made up the story and shared it on platform reaching out to probably over a thousand of people.

In both cases – your hypersensitivity for potential attacks on Indian culture made you read them in the way entirely opposite to intended. Furthermore, it lead you to some statements, which were equally offensive to me (and some other readers), as those against which you were ragging.

I am a citizen of a country that has never had any colonies, furthermore – has been non existing for over a century (more or less the same time, when Brits were ruling India to poverty), then raided by the most devastating powers in the world’s modern history, then its borders had been shifted few hundred kilometers to the west without really asking anyone in Poland, and finally – it was occupied by communists for another half of a century. In terms of difficult history, Poland can easily match India. Also in terms of recent economic blossom – started around 1990 – both countries have a lot in common. Even “jugaad” as a way of working has its sort of equivalent in Polish culture.

Putting me into the same basket with English or Portuguese colonialist’s is a huge misunderstanding and faux pas. Fortunately, you haven’t gone quite as far as my other friend (with whom I had a fierceful conversation once – long forgotten and mutually forgiven, I’m just using it as example – when he used an argument, that at least India, unlike Poland, haven’t ever given up to an enemy after a week. Highly unsuitable remark considering few millions of casualties it taken…

As I mentioned – I have a lot of Indian friends, who are trying to help me to understand your culture, yet agreeing and admiting, that there are numerous flaws in India, which should not be hidden behind the veil of “difficult history, religious&cultural complexity and poverty”. They are simply flaws which are equally painful for foreigners as to Indians, and rather than elaborating on their complicated and deep roots, they should be simple weeded out. It has nothing to do with a feeling of superiority. There are issues, which can be judged either way – arranged marriages, approach to sex, religions, etc. Actually – we could (and many do) learn a lot from India. But there are also issues which have nothing to do with cultural sensitivity, difficult history etc. Low quality of public space and completely inappropriate infrastructure in Gurgaon – city built entirely by Indians, in free India – has nothing to do with sins of colonialists. The holes in roads need to be fixed, badly planned draining need to be upgraded etc. Elaborating upon the difficult history has nothing to do with it.

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To sum up this long post, there are two points I wanted to make:

– culture is a very sensitive area and one has to be really careful talking about it. And that the understanding has to be mutual and we should be helping each other in achieving it, rather than accusing. This doesn’t lead anywhere. So please – feel free and welcome to comment and point out my mistakes, but do it with similar understanding for my background as you expect from me for yours.

– India is a wonderful country, raising power in worlds equilibrium and by many means – the best place I could have been now. But it also has a lot of problems, closing eyes to which is not a solution. I hope that Chinese censorship system is not your dreamt model and you would rather cheerish long Indian tradition of democracy and freedom of word. Only accepting that problems exist can lead to improving the quality of life both for me, as for you.

I am hoping for an interesting discussion under this post. But please – whichever point of view you want to defend, read your comment twice before publishing it not to unnecessarily offend anyone.

If I had done that with this post – please point it out to me but be understanding as I surerly didn’t intend to. I still have loads to learn…

Peace!